I have a friend, Ekwu Emmanuel (Emybon), founder of the StraightTALK series. I first met him in Lagos on one of my missionary journeys. His write-ups never cease to amaze me (you can look him up on Facebook). I’m sure what I’m about to write on must have been inspired by some of his posts, as well as personal experiences.
There are indeed many ‘married singles’ out there. Oh yes! Unfortunately, no one seems to be catering to them. We teach you what you need to learn as a young person aspiring to get married. We even continue to give you nuggets after you’re married for a healthy married life. But what about seminars and workshops for those whose spouses are MIA (missing in action, or should we say inaction?).
Let’s bring this matter closer home. If you think marriage is just about the wedding day, you’re standing on a long thing. I know many young people who spend all their time, money, and even energy planning their weddings. Then the D-Day comes and “poof!” That’s all. You’re left with two financially, emotionally and psychologically drained persons (now a couple) who have no idea what to do after the wedding day. And I go like “seriously? Like is that it?” But that’s a matter for another day.
Here, we’re basically concerned about:
1. Those whose spouses are so boring and frustrating, they feel alone; even single and unmarried.
2. Those whose spouses are so busy, they’re never at home, and when they return, they’re either too distracted to bother about fulfilling their conjugal duties, or too drained to care.
Hmmmmm. These kinds of MIA spouses have created double tragedies for their partners:
A. They can’t go too close to other persons for fear they might be accused of unfaithfulness, even if they just want some positive companionship to manage the boredom.
B. They can’t even genuinely seek help or good advice from others since it’s absurd for a married person to feel so alone and single in the first place.
So here’s the thing (in no particular order):
– Don’t get married unless you have plans (and I mean plans) to make that person’s life absolutely interesting. This takes work, work, and more work.
– Don’t get married unless you have some work or something done.
– If possible, complete your education before someone turns you to a ‘baby factory’ (pardon my language).
– Ask yourself if you’re boring. If the answer is yes, get a course on how to become interesting. If you can’t, then google it up. I’m sure you’ll find the answers. You need constant research to make the marriage work. Use textbooks if you must.
– Take your spouse out for God’s sake. You don’t even need money to do that. Go to the beach, or to river Niger and take a boat ride or something. If that’s too difficult, go and visit the neighbours with your spouse (Haba). If that’s still difficult, come out under the mango tree and tell stories.
– If you work all week, make sure weekends are free for both of you. If your job does not let you do that, please get another job (if possible).
– A call can do wonders. Call from time to time and check up on your spouse. Don’t say he/she knows how strong your love is. Helloooo! Why do we pray always? Does God not already know what we want?
– Whenever you feel like ‘flirting’, flirt with your spouse (pardon my language).
– Whenever you feel like fun or an adventure, embark on it with your spouse. Don’t think about that other admirer. They belong to someone else.
– If your heart is heavy and you need to share, go to your spouse.
– Always pray together. There’s more to marriage than meet the eyes.
But of course, always ask yourself, “Is my spouse sad or happy today? Am I responsible?” Then go ahead and do the needful.
Finally, are you married and you still feel single? Please show this reflection to your MIA spouse. The rest is up to you…
God bless you!