'Wale Victor Ibiyemi

“The Pains of marrying the wrong person is worse than your present fear of not getting married. Marriage is not a competition. Take your time, fall in love, nurse your ambitions, groom your relationship, because forever is too long to be unhappy. Always remember that it is better to wait long than to marry the wrong person.”

On the 10th of May, 2020, I stumbled on a wedding picture on WhatsApp. The Bride was crying on the shoulders of the groom, trust me, it wasn’t tears of joy. On the picture were the words, “Don’t marry the wrong person.” I was captivated by the truth hidden in those words.

I love marriages, I love people getting married, I love the funfair, the music, the loud laughs – both real and fake, the hugs, the aso-ebi and of course, the food. Sadly, all these are not so important. The only important thing on your wedding day is whether you and your spouse truly understand what you are doing?

Dear young people, marriage is not by force! Don’t kill yourself! Let me state some facts. Marriage is not an achievement! So, there is no need for competition! Marriage is not a degree or an award given to the best students who have successfully completed some training.

Don’t get it wrong, marriage is one of the most beautiful things in the universe but it is not an achievement. The moment you say I do to the wrong person, your life deteriorates! Your wretchedness will begin and it will persist till your death.

Who is a wrong person? A wrong person is a wrong person!

We live in a world where pressures compel us more than reasoning. We live in a society where external forces coerce us to do what the inner voice rejects. We live in a society where fear, gossip, imitation and appearance blind us from truth, reason, common sense, wisdom and reality.

The pain of marrying the wrong person is worse than the present fear of mockery, age and gossip. Have you asked yourself when their gossips will end? Even if you die from domestic violence in a marriage, people will still gossip and blame you. So, don’t start what you can’t finish.

In life, marriage is a bus-stop. If you like, be an accomplished doctor, a prolific lawyer, a successful tycoon, a vibrant pastor, whatever you are, everything ends at home – in your marriage.

What happens when after a long, beautiful, engaging, stressful and successful day at work, you close from your office or wherever and you have no home to return to? How sad will it be?

You will neither have someone to share the stories of your day with nor your burdens. No one to make you laugh, to ease your stress, to comfort, console, appraise and applaud you for your success… Why work then?

Marriage has become an embarrassment in our time. Nevertheless, such embarrassment does not deny the truth that marriage is a beautiful thing! Don’t allow the horrible stories you see and hear every day deter you or dampen your spirit.

Yes! Many people are suffering in their marriages. Their homes have become a lifelong prison. Instead of enjoying it, many are enduring it. Plenty punches here and there, many name-callings, suspicion, distrust, steady cheating, stinginess and wickedness mixed together, perpetual anger, envy, jealousy and all of those things.

Truly, the lifelong union between two people has its ups and downs. But when you marry your best friend, your ups and downs will be minimal.

Don’t marry a stranger!

Marry your friend! Many marriages these days are between strangers; which is why they don’t last. Who is a stranger? A man or woman you do not know.

Many of us in relationships now don’t even know our partners! It is all a circle of liars, a relationship of thieves! Who is your friend? Your friend is the person you know so well; someone who is open to you, who is ready to be known, you know what he/she likes, you know his/her deepest feelings, you know his/her connections, you know his/her strengths and weaknesses.

A friend is someone you know from his/her depths and he/she is not ashamed that you know so much about him/her. Strangers are always hiding; they have passwords for all their phones, their computers, their doors, their cars, their bank accounts, their mouths and their hearts…

No sane person jumps into marriage. You must begin from the scratch, don’t jump any ladders, gradually grow friendship and then it becomes marriage. The scratch is friendship. Don’t begin a relationship without friendship, it will end it tears!

Please use your brain in any friendship or relationship. Love doesn’t blind you, stupidity does. Any one who pretends as a friend to exploit you cannot love you. Anyone who uses you for gains cannot marry you. Anyone who doesn’t want you to grow because of his/her myopic views and shattered ideas about life cannot be your spouse; they’ll leave you stunted forever.

Anyone who is not happy that you are happy is a witch/wizard. Such a person cannot be your lover because you will stay unhappy forever.

Anyone who does not think about your growth and advancement (in your career or vocation) in life is not your friend- he/she has no foresight- you will die in integral poverty.

If you and your supposed friend do not always have a melting point – walk away or else your roof will soon catch fire. If your supposed friend is threatened by your achievements and successes, run away else you will die suddenly.

If your supposed friend ever raises his/her hands on you to beat you… if you remain there, then I don’t know what to say to you. You are not yet married, you are already a punching bag, when you eventually get married, you would have successfully enrolled into the school of boxing.

We have many battered homes already, tell yourself, I will not make this mistake!

Commit this special journey into the hands of God always. Say, “my marriage will not be a slaughter house, it shall be a blessing and we will make the world a beautiful place.” It is better to wait long than marry wrong.

God bless you.