Some days ago, I went on Twitter to see ‘what’s trending’, as I usually do from time to time. While scrolling up and down a couple of tweets, I came across one by Naira Marley, on his official Twitter handle; “Girls, make your own money, it will save you from unnecessary sex”. I was nonplussed. Who would have thought that such sound admonition would come from our very own Naira Marley?

I thought about that tweet for many minutes, and came to the conclusion that the message of the tweet should not be directed at the female folk only. The male folk also have a lot to learn from it. We cannot deny the fact that many young men and women are stuck in varying degrees of sexually active relationships today because of money.

But the gravity of the problem didn’t demand my immediate attention until I again saw a series of WhatsApp status updates moments ago. It was a conversation between a young lady and her boyfriend. The actual conversation went something like this:

Boyfriend: “C’mon now, are we still doing this? What’s all this na? This silent treatment is crap. It’s annoying”.

Girlfriend: “It’s crap right? Wonderful! Until you learn how to behave as a man, this silent treatment continues. Don’t even bother trying to call. Your number is on blacklist”.

Boyfriend: “Just because I asked for my right? What’s rightfully mine?”

Girlfriend: “What’s rightfully yours Sir?”

Boyfriend: “The sex. Look, I know it’s the reason for all this.”

Girlfriend: “Excuse me? What do you mean sex is your right? You’re my boyfriend, not my husband Mr.”

Boyfriend: “Lol. Anyone that takes care of your needs, pays your bills, is what? Husband na official tag. Look, I don’t want to sound entitled, but it’s still my right. And I will get it anytime I please”.

Girlfriend: “Look, do you know how disgusting you sound? Just read what you typed. What kind of man are you? You pay your sister’s bills, do you f**k her anytime you please?”

Boyfriend: “Look, don’t be unreasonable. Sex is the most important thing in relationships, and sincerely, I shouldn’t be begging for it from you. So if that’s the reason you’re angry, we better settle right now. Because that’s an unreasonable reason to give me the silent treatment”.

Girlfriend: “Look, my body is not your property. The fact that I’m your girlfriend doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to say no”.

Boyfriend: “No you do have the right to say no. Of course you do. You have every right to say no. But outright denial? Never!”

Girlfriend: “The reason I started this silent treatment was to make you understand that I’m not some toy you play with. Because you pay my bills doesn’t give you the right to see me as a sex toy”.

Boyfriend: “Look, this conversation is boring. In fact, it’s pissing me off. If men don’t take care of you women, you complain. He takes care of you and takes the ONLY thing you can offer, you’re complaining”.

Girlfriend: “Wtf? What do you mean by that? Are you insane? Wtf?! What do you mean by the only thing I can offer?”

Boyfriend: “What else do you offer in this relationship?”

Girlfriend: “What do you mean by that? I offer a lot.”

Boyfriend: “What? Cooking? Cleaning? Chores? Sex? What else??”

Girlfriend: “I’m not ready to get offended, I’m not ready to get disrespected. Let’s just drop this”.

Boyfriend: “Fine. Look, all I’m saying is, the sex is important, I deserve it. What else is my reward for taking care of you? What else? We may not end up getting married. So what will I look back on and say is my reward for paying your bills? Look at it from my end. It’s unfair to me”.

Girlfriend: The fact that you only see me as sex tool is making me wonder why I’m still in this relationship?”

Boyfriend: “I asked you what you have offered me since we began this relationship. You said we should drop the talk. You know why? Because there’s nothing else. And I’m free to speak to you in any manner I please. You know why? Because you can’t bring yourself to leave this relationship no matter how rude I get. You know why, because you’re dependent. It’s disgusting. So don’t ever bring up this talk ever again, because until you offer me something more than sex, you have NO right to complain of my very active sex life. Because that’s all I think of when I look at you. The only thing I feel is horny. That’s all”.

Girlfriend: “Wow. Just wow. I have no words. No words at all. So because I give you sex, it has become the reason I get disrespected. Wonderful”.

Boyfriend: “Excuse me? What is give me sex? Give who? Use your words properly please. And you know what? I’m done with this conversation. I want to see you break up with me. I want to see you try. Your rent is due in three weeks. I’ll like to see you break up with me. Lol. Have a nice day. And remember, the sex is my right.”

E shock you abi? Nor be only you. E shock all of us wey see am.

From the chats above, what’s clear is that the young man has no regard whatsoever for his girlfriend. He even goes on to DARE her to break up with him, reminding her that her rent is due in three weeks – savage!

I know the tone of the conversation above would have been different if the young lady in question had some financial independence. Her boyfriend would have accorded her her due respect. Don’t you think?

I have repeatedly said that it’s POVERTY to have nothing but a sex appeal. Exposed cleavages and scanty clothes just won’t do it. Independence and integrity will.

Ladies must stop waiting for a “rich and handsome man” to marry. They must strive to be career driven too. It’s not out of place to make money and take power. That’s the only way to attract like terms. You know what they say about birds of a feather.

In the same way, guys who prey on ‘rich women’ fall under the same parasitic relationships. Those women can only see them as tools to be used and discarded at will.

It’s easy to blame the government for all our troubles. But the easy way isn’t always the better way. We all must strive to work hard and be self sufficient. Total dependence on another will only engender disrespect.

If you’re currently in a relationship where all you do is provide sexual satisfaction, know that your days are numbered. Beauty fades, and sex appeal wanes. It’s only a matter of time. So pack your things and END it NOW.

Many women are already creating new narratives, and changing stereotypical constructs of the role of women in society. Our young ladies must model these newer narratives. There’s no other way.

Do let me know what you think about this issue. It’s an ongoing conversation.

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© Oselumhense Anetor, 2020.